Online Dating - Continued

So the first online dating site I tried was a Christian site called The Single Christian Network.

I thought to myself, well, why not? After all, it’s a Christian site. The women who look at this site won't be nearly as harsh as my officemate Tamra. Rather, they'll be full of Christ-like compassion. So, even if they pass me over, they'll at least be gentle.

On this point I was sadly mistaken. It’s now been a few years and dating sites later and, I have to say, the Christian women are just as bad, if not worse. For, in addition to the usual laundry list, they also have the spiritual laundry list.

After the Christian site, my next experience was the esquire.com personals.

It was when those Brittney Spears -- a la Marilyn Monroe -- photos came out. When I saw that shot of Brittney in that white sweater with her cute little butt cheeks exposed, I just had to click on over to esquire.com and get a higher-rez look.

While there, another photo caught my eye. It was that of a young lady down in the corner of the page under the "personals" heading. A very cute, short-haired blonde. The caption under her photo read that the music of Chet Baker "put her in the mood."

Well, to hell with Brittney, why mess with the unattainable when Mona from Seattle was crying out to me?

But in order to communicate with Mona, I had to go through the rigamarole of signing up for the site (name, rank, credit card number).

Then the vital statistics...

Gender: Male
Age: 43
Height: 5 ft 9 in (I lied a bit there. I'm 5' 8 and 1/2".)
Hair Color: Hair? What Hair?
Eye Color: Brown
Body Type: average (I try my best)
Smoking: a non-smoker except at the odd party when I get plastered
Drinking: a light/social drinker except at the odd party when I get plastered

...and so on.

And then I had to fill out "the profile."

Now, the profile is an interesting thing. In many ways, it's like trying to meet a woman in person. If you come off too brash and self-assured, then you're seen as being conceited, cocky ...an ass. However, if you let you're honest, sensitive side out, then you're weak. Women don't want men who are weak. They want strength and confidence. But, if you cross the line over to being arrogant, you're out. It's tough.

Oh, and then they all want someone with a sense of humor -- a sense of humor, but not an ass. You have to be able to make them laugh, but they need to be able to respect you in the morning.

So, my first attempt at the profile was this...

- quote -

I think I'm a gentle person. I'm creative. I love art, music, theatre, film, history. I'm not a voracious reader, but I'm fairly well read. (I even managed to pass myself off as an English teacher for a time.) I have nice hands and I take good care of my fingernails. I'm looking for someone who likes kids and dogs and seafood with good white wine. And someone who's not mean, materialistic, nor a prude (but especially not mean).

- end quote -

Now I thought that was pretty good. Honest. Interesting, but not snotty, showing my gentler side, but not weak. I mean, what the hell do they want anyway?

I then posted a couple of choice photos and I was one my way. I figured I would shortly be inundated by with love letters from beautiful females.

Nothing happened.

Frustrated, I decide to take matters into my own hands. I started the email campaign.

I began by writing to Mona in Seattle.

More later...